she was so not down for the gang bang
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
