did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
