his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
