The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
