You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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