I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
