But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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