sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
sex in a hospital.. check
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
