My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Randomize
