I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
