Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
