i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Randomize
