You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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