Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(425): View more from Washington

the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.

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(816): View more from Missouri

Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.

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(262): View more from Wisconsin

My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"

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(214): View more from Texas

You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.

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(651): View more from Minnesota

People are yelling about how much they want you here.

(563): View more from Iowa

I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.

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(504): View more from Louisiana

But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...

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(907): View more from Alaska

Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.

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(813): View more from Florida

Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.

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(218): View more from Minnesota

You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.

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