i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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