If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Two words: nipple clamps
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