you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
be right there i have to get my cape
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Randomize
