I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
