I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize
