mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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