ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
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