she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
