Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
