I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Come on in and take your pants off
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