Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
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