i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Just invented taco cereal.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
