Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
this boner is exhausting
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
