After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
