Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
