He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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