he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
