when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
