Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
