We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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