It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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