I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I don't think brook has ever known best
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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