You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
