Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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