it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
