your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
