Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
