Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
