Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Randomize
