Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
