I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
