well I can't set my house on fire every night
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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