I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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