If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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