we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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