Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
